in the TWINKLING of an eye

It's midnight and I'm exhausted. But apparently not exhausted enough to go to sleep. This week has been so busy and yet I feel like all I've done is sit around. Now of course that is sitting around in meetings and classes--important stuff, don't get me wrong--but none the less, sitting around. Kirby isn't sleeping well. Out of all of us he's having the hardest time with the changes so far. Or maybe he's the only one letting it all out. I think that is where being three could be an advantage. He isn't expected to hold it all together. He can scream and cry and every one just gets a sad look (including me) and says 'he's having a hard time with the transition'. We all are, in different ways. I'm tired, which makes me irritable in normal circumstances, so I'm pretty sure I may be quite unbearable at this point. The best part about it, everybody in our little community is going through all the same things. When we see another mom about to spill over with tears cause her kids are having a break down when really she wants to have one, we just lock eyes and let her know...I'm there with you sister. I get mad at the couples with no children that get to run off to go out to dinner and I think how much easier it would be to go through this without kids. And then I remember that most of them will experience being first time parents in a foreign country and will probably not have the huge support system we had with both of our boys. It's been crazy the things God has brought to my attention when I start to have those selfish thoughts. But I will admit...this is hard. Of course I by no means want to give anyone (especially myself) the illusion that I thought this would be easy. I always knew deep down that it wouldn't be. But as we approach getting on that plane I get a lump in my throat. And my lips twitches. Please don't mistake this for a pity party, this is my transparency. Because I count this a privilege. This ordinary girl from NC has been called out to do HIS extraordinary work.

So tomorrow when I wake up and I'm still tired and my arms are aching (oh yeah I had my last two immunizations today--Japanese Encephalitis (ow) and Tetanus (double ow)--I know you've all at least experienced the latter) I will praise HIM because we don't have class this Saturday like we did last. And as Eliza so thoughtfully reminded me--and I'm serious about that, it really made me feel better--my cankles aren't growing even if my lip is. :)