emerging back to normalcy

This may end up being a rambling post. My mind is pretty crazy right now. Between pregnancy brain (it's a real thing) , needing to get away (10 days and counting) and Stan being out of town since yesterday (and returning tomorrow, PTL) I've had the most random brain I've had in a while. So here are a few things going on here.

-Today I am 12 weeks along. I still throw up about 2 out of 3 days but have only had one day of multiple times. I am highly hormonal--easily cry over nothing, very broken out skin, etc.--so this is very different than my past two pregnancies. I am told over and over that this all means that I am having a girl but I don't want to get too one minded. With the boys I was certain from the moment I found out I was pregnant that they were both boys. This time Stan and I both feel it's a girl but I'm not sure if it's both because that's what we want so badly or if it's a true feeling. The thought of three boys terrifies me, but I know, it's a little late for that. The other day Stan said to me right after a trip to the bathroom to vomit, 'you and your daughter aren't getting off to a very good start'. My reply was 'whatever this baby is, it will owe me lots of cuteness and good sleeping after these past few weeks.'

-If this is a girl I selfishly hope she looks like me. Not because think looking like Stan would a bad thing but because I want to take pictures of my mom, me and my daughter together all wearing coordinating (but not matching) outfits and looking the same. That is little strange, and vain, I know. I think my mom will like that idea and agree with me.

-I had another 'song' moment this morning. Lately music speaks to my heart like no other thing. Today it was You Alone by the Passion Worship Band. At one point they sing 'I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive' repeatedly. It was so great. I am alive in Christ, PTL!

-In 10 days we will fly to Thailand and have a much needed break. We will have time of fellowship, worship and vacation. Not to mention medical check ups. I had an appointment for Monday the 26th but just got notified that it was cancelled because of uncontrollable circumstances. I don't know if I can reschedule or be seen now. Please pray that I will be able to be seen by someone. This is my only chance to be seen outside of our country (and by that I mean by a doctor in a facility that somewhat resembles the US) until a month before it is time to deliver. Also, we will get to eat at many American restaurants including Outback--Stan's favorite--so I am so hoping that my nausea and vomiting ends soon or at least takes a hiatus while we are there. I will be getting Starbucks everyday.

-A good friend that we met while in Richmond will be coming to visit tomorrow. She's wonderful. We have a lot of fun together and she loves my family (well her and Stan have a love/hate relationship) so it will be a good lead in to time spent with other friends in TL. She will be a great help as we prepare to leave and I look forward to some good talks!

-Best of all, I'm trying to blog again. Stan's not here to tell me I've been on the computer too much so I'm going to try to do some work on my blog. Everyone has such cute blogs and I want one too! We'll see. :)

wordless wednesday

I Will Lift My Eyes

OK, so here we are, we've hit six months of living here. Statistically this is when people hit there first 'low time'. Statistics also show that when that time hits around a major holiday the 'low time' is amplified. I would say this is true for me. I've felt unmotivated to do school and some days to even leave the house. Not to the point where I feel myself getting depressed but just the need to get away. Add in pregnancy hormones and vomiting every couple of days (yes it has continued--my friend says that means either a girl or twins, we will varify the twins thing this week) and that just makes things worse. I am in countdown until our time to get away for two weeks to Thailand. It will be a great time of fellowship and relaxing and just being away from a culture that I am still learning to understand. All this to say yesterday was the first Sunday I got to join in with our group since late Nov. or early Dec. Between the boys being sick and me not feeling well the only time I made it lately was the Sunday I had children. It was good for my soul. It felt wonderful. And of course music spoke to me in a fresh way. This is a Bebo Norman song many of you will recognize but I (again) have to share lyrics that touched me so deeply.

I Will Lift My Eyes

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs you now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt

Your Kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me

Your Kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now

I hope you read it all the way through. I will add it to my music so you can listen if you've never heard it. It was such a wonderful reminder to me (even though I have heard the song A LOT) that I can't do it without HIM. I am crying out to HIM.